Why You Struggle To Feel Your Feelings and What You Can Do to Honour them
There can be a number of reasons why it may be challenging for you to honour your feelings.
Some of the common reasons are:
– It feels uncomfortable to feel or express your feelings so you avoid them.
– You have been told to put other people’s needs before your own, and if you put yourself first, you are selfish.
– You value others’ opinions and ideas over your own, forgetting what it is like to trust your own judgement.
– Your worry other people will judge you, put you down or be disappointed if you open up and share how you feel.
Unfortunately, these things can get in the way of being true to yourself, but it doesn’t have to be that way!
You can learn to start honouring your feelings by following these steps below.
1. Stop Hiding the Way You Feel, Be Real.
Your feelings need to be listened to. It is your heart and soul telling you what you need and what you aren’t getting. Your feelings are valid and it is important for you to experience them for what they are.
Make some time with your feelings. Get out a pen and paper and start writing down what you are feeling.
You can start by writing I feel…… because….., and let the words spill out. Sometimes just the action of writing anything that is on your mind will help you to connect deeper into what it is you are feeling and why.
Once you have written down what you have been feeling, your emotions will start to move through your body.
You may feel anger come up, or sadness come up. The key is to be with this emotion as it moves through you. Focus where the emotion is in your body, breathe into it and ask it what does it need?
You can look back on what you have written and decide if you need to take any action on what these emotions are telling you.
2. Let Go of Self Judgement & Validate Your Own Feelings.
More often than most, we disconnect from our feelings by judging it.
A feeling comes up and we say to ourselves “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”, or “if I share this, I will be judged for being a horrible person.” We judge our thoughts and push our feelings down to protect ourselves.
Maybe when you were young your parents, family or teachers told you to “stop crying and get over it,” or “you don’t need to feel that way”.So you have learned to judge your feelings as wrong.
Suppressing your true feelings has consequences on yourself and others around you. You may find it takes a toll on your health, on your relationships. Your feelings are worthy of acknowledgement! But if you don’t acknowledge your feelings, who is going to do it for you?
Try acknowledging your feelings without judging them. Acknowledge and label your feelings by saying in the moment to yourself: “I feel angry”, or “I feel unhappy in this situation”, or “I don’t feel comfortable doing this” etc and be present with how that emotion feels in your body.
You are not your emotions. You are experiencing them.
The key is to not judge it so you can feel it and be with it, like a wave moving through you. Then once you become connected to your own feelings it will be easier to speak up and express them to others.
How do you think you could benefit if you chose to acknowledge and feel your feelings without judgement?
3. Get Some Support
Some of us are better at working through our emotions than others, and sometimes we just need to get that support when we get a little lost along the way. Surrounding yourself with people who love you, who want the best for you, and above all listen to you and your feelings instead of trying to find solutions to your problems is priceless. Finding safety with others to support your healing is vital.
Allowing yourself to grow from your feelings. Honour them, respect them. Don’t block it out. Listen to them. They are your messengers 💗